The gaze between women

"Empowered women empower women", a quote that is dear to my heart. It's a quote that got me through the last eighteen years of my life being born and raised in the Middle-East. Although I believe that it is still a man's world (in some areas less than others), it is undeniable that the rights of men trumped those of women in the Middle-East, in particular Saudi Arabia and Bahrain, two countries that I have deep personal experiences with. As an expat, you felt 'the gaze' from almost everyone. (My aim is to not generalise in this blog but apologies if I do) This gaze perhaps has more cultural connotations to it, but was there nonetheless.

Speaking from my own experience, what I found was that I felt 'the gaze' more from women than I did from men. Speaking in Berger terms, I felt that when women, more so than men, would look at me and I felt an 'element of judgement' that made me 'turn into an object'. Instead of the man 'surveying' before treating me, it was more common that women would treat me differently because of my appearance. I believe that 'the gaze' between women not only exists in the Middle-East but transcends to all societies and cultures around the world. It is something that I admit have been guilty of, but since it's acknowledgement have been making a conscious effort to stop. In the end, how does this gaze serve us as women? How does it help to connect and empower women? I believe that it doesn't. If refuse to believe that Berger is correct in claiming that 'a Woman's presence is manifested in gestures, expressions, clothes' and that men 'tend to think of it as an almost physical emanation'. I believe that we are more than our physical appearance and our power can be shown through our intelligence, beliefs and social interactions. It does not serve us to continuously question our position in society through the eyes of others. It does not serve us to compare every detail of our appearance to other women. As Dyer says, "it's not so much  a question of whether women or men look at each other but how they do."


However, changing the ways of thinking of and between women is proving extremely difficult. By not acknowledging that women themselves have been guilty of 'the gaze' and making a conscious effort to stop it, women themselves are limiting the progress of women. This 'gaze' between women is prominent in many chick flicks. One that sticks out to me the most is 'Mean Girls' (a chick flick classic).
(Watch the trailer to get a glimpse of 'girl world')

Gazes of 'The plastics' judging the appearances of other girls in the High School and even between themselves; actually creating the 'Burn Book' that continues to degrade young teenage girls. Turning Cady Heron (Lohan) into their ideal version of beauty. 'The gaze' also exists between Regina George (McAdams) and Heron, in their battle over the love of a particular boy. 'This gaze' suggests that the boy will pick the girl who is the most attractive and also highlights the still existing 'beauty battles' between women.

Who is prettier? How could he go for a girl like her?

'Mean girls' is just one, perhaps exaggerated, example of how 'the gaze' is prominent amongst women.

So, how does 'the gaze' between women hold back progress? A documentary that I think the idea of 'the gaze' links perfectly to is 'Miss Representation'. The idea that 'You can't be what you can't see'; linking back to the quote 'empowered women empower women'. It presents the idea that because women are not recognising that their ways of thinking, beauty ideals and ways to act in society are constructed, they are in fact holding back their own progress.


The documentary covers implications of media, women in the government and the messages that this portrays. Some facts presented in this documentary are:

1) Teenagers spend more than 10 hours a day on media, filled with content that aids the distorting of both men and female bodies.

2) Girls are learning to see themselves as objects. APA calls self-objectification a national epidemic.

3) Women only make up 17% of US congress. The 2010 mid-term election is the first time women have not made gains in congress since 1979.

4) 1 in 4 women will be abused by a partner in their lifetime. 1 in 6 women are survivors of rape or attempted rape.


What I appreciated about this documentary is that it touched on the struggles of men as well as women in society. I urge you to take a look at it (it's on Netflix) and I promise you won't be disappointed. This documentary also touches on elements of "Don't look now" by Dyer, through understanding the "non-verbal ways that gender roles and male power are constantly being rebuilt and reaffirmed."

What I found most interesting, and disturbing, is a case that the documentary shed light on. In San Fransisco I believe, the mayor hired the first female fire and police chiefs. The most criticism he got, was from women, not men. Although this may be an extension of 'the gaze' I felt it was important to note.  Why is it that women feel threatened by other women? Why is it that we can not celebrate the success of other women but are suspicious to it and question it? Why do I constantly feel the need to compare myself to other women?

It is important to recognise that we are guilty of 'this gaze' and that it does not serve us as women. It does not serve us with progression in any aspect of society. We should celebrate each others differences, beauty and accomplishments, not be sceptical of it. As Dyer suggests, 'this routine' that women are trapped in 'encapsulates and reinforces fundamental power relations between sexes.' But the unawareness that these power relations and 'the gaze' exist will only hurt the progression of women further.

"Women are never stronger than when they arm themselves with their weakness"